Taking a raw look at cyber-bullying.

Cyber Bullying. What comes to your mind when you see that word? It's being tossed around a million times in a lot of pico blogs. But this post is not really about against it. It's about the cyber-bullying itself.

When people hear the word Cyber Bullying. They think of what bullying is in real life and brought to the internet. The internet is created anonymously, when there's a chance you say something mean, you don't really get much trouble for it. 'Cuz you can hind behind that monitor screen and keep hurting someone's feelings.

I myself, I never have been bullied until that day. I thought of Cyber-Bullying as in people in forums calling each other names. I figured out people would forget about that and move on. I thought cyber-bullying was just calling names. I was wrong.

I have never thought I could be a victim. Since I'm not a troublemaker on pico. (Well there are times, yes. But not all the time.) And I haven't made an army of enemies. But this issue was just killing me.

It was about a girl, not at my age. She's older than me in about 3 or 4 years. I don't exactly know why, but she hates my guts. Let's just hide her with then name of Leah.

Leah hates me and who I am as a person. And there was this one day, I was arguing with another person who was dissing my friend. I was saying a lot of mean things to the one dissing my friend. And coincidentally, Leah was also there. Right beside me. So she thought she was the one I was saying mean things to. She then faced me and told me straight mean things I have never heard of.

Let me preface it that we never talked again for almost a year. Then I heard news from my other friends that she has been spreading her hate on me for a while now. I mean, it's almost a year. How could she even manage to keep all that hate inside her? I tried to recall our age gap. I'm only in 5th Grade at that time, and she was in High School.

We met again in Japanese Park 2, and it was really late that night. I saw her and decided maybe this is time to fix things. I as a person never liked arguments, anyway. As soon as me and a person gets hot and mean to each other. I want to instantly apologize and fix things. Not for the sake of being friends again, but to be able to recover the happiness I lost. And to help the person gain back what I made her/him throw away.

So I walked up to her nervously, and asked her for an apology. Guess what she said? Here is a more shorter version of our conversation.

Leah: Just today you apologized? Do you know how long we were enemies?
Me: I only saw you today after a long time.
(Her other friend was also apologizing to her, we were both at knees trying to ask for forgiveness. That's the type of person she is.)
Leah: (Turns to her friend.) (Let's just call her Cindy.) Cindy, I forgive you.
-They were both dancing there and ignoring me. While I, not even being the rude one, was trying to apologize.-

(After a LOT of apologizing statements. I just lost my patience.)

Me: Are you really that bitter?
Leah: (turned to me) Bitter? Me? (laughs)
Cindy: Who's that? Your enemy?
Leah: Yep. (Tells her how I am such a mean 11 year old when I used to tell her bad words.)
Cindy: (turns to me.) Hey don't you mess with my friend.

And the night kept going on and on. I was trying to find some forgiveness. I was saying sorry the whole time. And I meant that sorry. I meant it that I was wrong in some part. I meant that I may not acted too wisely in shouting words. But her? Has she ever even realized what wrong doing she did? That night she kept insulting me still and just kept hurting my feelings. I had enough of her. I went out the park, shut off my laptop and went to my bathroom. I cried. I never thought somebody could hurt me so much. And the fact that she should have acted much more for her age was killing me.

Yes I admit I have been wrong. Yes, I admit I did some bad bullying, too. I admit that. I admit that I am no perfect pico user who is happy and always friendly. No. But she made me cry that night. No not tears running down on my face. But crying, gasping for breath. Tears non-stop. She hurt me so much. And that night changed my life.

To this day, we haven't talked. We never met each other. We never spoke or said a word.

You know, even if she still did that. I can still see some kindness within her. At least she didn't stalk me or keep throwing hate words. Even if she doesn't see a single kindness in me. Or anything good at all. I'm okay with that. It maybe true that she's a little narrow-minded. But I can take control. From that day on, I never said anything mean to anyone. Knowing that it could result to what happened to me that night. I maybe have still hurt a few people. I admit all of that. 'Cuz I don't try to act perfect. I am always a sinner. But only God can truly judge me.